This week has very nearly been the week that broke me. In fact, it has literally broken bits of me.
On Monday morning, exhausted from over a week of hospital visits and care coordination for my poor Mum, who was critically ill, alongside all the normal stuff, I slipped on the stairs coming down and broke my big toe.
By Wednesday, I realised I had picked up a flu-type virus. After 12 days in hospital, Mum was finally discharged that same day and I couldn’t be there for her because I couldn’t risk passing this on.
Then in the early hours of Friday morning, we were jolted awake by an almighty crash, which was my lounge ceiling completely collapsing. No warning, no indication anything might be amiss, and had it happened when any of us had been in there, we’d have most likely been killed or very, very seriously injured.
It’s been a shit week, and quite frankly, continues to be shit even today. But, I am trying to be grateful.
I’m grateful that my silly stair slip resulted in *just* a broken big toe, and not anything more serious. It was bloody painful, but is already much better than it was.
I am genuinely grateful that after what was not one but two potentially life-threarening situations for my Mum over the last 2 weeks, she is now home, comfortable and less-distressed, and there is a care package of sorts trying to be implemented. Early days.
I’m grateful beyond words that the ceiling, which we were told afterwards had been a ticking time bomb, collapsed at 4am and not 4pm, that both my girls, our cat, and I were safely upstairs in bed, and that the wonderful Fire & Rescue Service attended so quickly and were able to confirm that the rest of the house appeared sound. We could simply shut the door and snatch another couple of hours sleep before the clean-up operation had to commence.
I’m grateful that the person who came to do the clear-up, despite me having a mini emotional breakdown on his arrival, turned out to be the loveliest guy and went over and above trying to pick out bits of broken toys and putting everything tidily aside as he cleared the rubble and dust away over the course of the afternoon. Turned out he had personal reasons for being neurodivergent aware, and that understanding made a huge difference to me yesterday.
I’m grateful to my friends, my tribe, who have checked in with me today, and especially to lovely J and W who brought me ‘flu meds, flowers, spaghetti squash, and cupcakes for the girls, and to the G-man for coming and getting the girls’ lunches from the shop with them. But to all my friends and family who have offered help and expletives!
Whilst being immensely grateful, I’m also unashamedly run down, and feeling a little teary and sorry for myself at times today. I’m ok with that. I’ve been feeling the weight of the grief I have for my Mum today, after having a very Mum-daughter conversation with her on the phone earlier about how she wants to come and look after me and help me, and then having it again a few minutes later. By this afternoon, her knowledge of my broken toe, my ‘flu, and my collapsed ceiling had completely gone and she’d asked me to get her some milk.
Sometimes life throws curveballs at us. Sometimes it pelts us with them, repeatedly. I’m very open about my mental health, or ill-health, and openly admit to having been aware of a few demons sneaking in earlier today. But even in the midst of my worst moments, I had an awareness of the now clichéd “this too shall pass” and knew I just had to try to rest and ride it out. And maybe that’s the thing I am most grateful for right now, that knowledge, and being surrounded by people I know I can unapologetically be myself with.